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a love letter to my body.

Hello, you.
This has been a long time coming.
You may be wondering why I'm writing this, because I know that you know that I’ve not
always been kind to you. I’ve criticised your every move, well-intentioned though it may
be. I’ve treated you poorly for as long as I can remember. I never gave you the attention
and care that you always wanted, but could never ask for. I’ve kept you up all night and
never gave you a reason for it. I deprived you of nourishment because I didn't think you
deserved it. I didn't think you were good enough.
I think I need to start by apologising. For all of this. For every time I saw you and hated
you to your core. For each time I wished you were different, or ‘better’. For how long it
took me to realise what I was doing to you. For not loving you like you deserve to be
loved. I wish I could turn back time and do it right from the start. But I can’t. I can never
get that time back. 
But right now, I'm spending more time alone with you than I have in a while. And it feels
like I'm seeing you clearly for the first time. I'm noticing you, the real you, not the
derogatory, false image of you that I had painted in my head. And there is so much that
I was wrong about. There is much more to you than I thought. 
I want to treat you right. I want to make you feel loved and appreciated. So, I made you
a list of things that I have noticed in the past weeks. Even the tiniest things. The things
you do that make me smile, that remind me that regardless of everything else, you still
have my back.
(Well technically you ALWAYS have my back because you are ME… but I digress.)
Come back to this letter whenever you need to. And I will too, if I fall back into old
habits, and take you for granted. Which I promise I will try not to. 
-I love your colour. I have never been prouder of it. I love your highlights and your
contours. I love how your colour is a reminder of who I am, and where I come from.

-Your hands are art. They create art. I love how they flow effortlessly, like a mountain
stream, when you are telling stories. They pet dogs and puppies. They bake things that
people love. Your hands are soothing. They hold on tight to others’ hands, and remind
them that things will be okay. Because, of course they will. (Obligatory side note, do
not hold hands with people right now. Social distancing.)

-I love how you get goosebumps every single time you listen to Ghost Stories. 

-I love that you are brave enough and strong enough to feel your emotions deeply. I love
that you are unashamed of your tears.

-I love how you dance when you’re alone. You move like a bird who was freed from its
cage. Soaring, unapologetically. 

-I love your eyes. They are so many different shades of brown. I love the way they seem
to glow in the sunlight.

-I love the way you look at the things you love. How you squint and furrow your
eyebrows when you're scanning the sky for constellations. How you gaze, adoringly, at
the people you’ve come to call family.

-I love your laugh. It's contagious. I love how when you laugh, you shake your shoulders
and throw your head back, without a care in the world.

-I love your wonky teeth. It gives your smile character.

-I love your hair, how it seems to reflect the light and frame your face so delicately, as if
you were a character in a romance novel.

-I love your figure. Every part of it. I love your wide hips, and your thick thighs, and
your squishy belly. You're like a little dumpling. And everyone likes dumplings.

-Your stretch marks are your battle scars. They’re proof that you've lived, and that
you've conquered every enemy you’ve encountered. It's easy to get lost in the maze
they’ve constructed on you. It's a maze that no one would ever want to leave.

-I love your little button nose. And your gulab jamun cheeks.

-You're the perfect height. You are the perfect height to be fully enveloped in a hug. 

-Speaking of hugs, you give the best hugs.

-I love you. Every part of you. Every nook and cranny, every mountain and valley,
every dimple and every scar. You deserve it all. 
I promise to be kind to you. I promise to treat you like you deserve. I promise to drink
more water and give you proper food. I promise to love you. For the rest of our lives.
Ever yours,
Uditi. 

Comments

  1. Soumya NamdeoApril 18, 2020 at 8:55 PM

    I am so glad to read this. Loved your thoughts, your thinking. you're truly what you said. Stay alive like this always.♥️

    ReplyDelete

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