What a QuaranTIME to be Alive

Hello, you. This has been a long time coming. You may be wondering why I'm writing this, because I know that you know that I’ve not always been kind to you. I’ve criticised your every move, well-intentioned though it may be. I’ve treated you poorly for as long as I can remember. I never gave you the attention and care that you always wanted, but could never ask for. I’ve kept you up all night and never gave you a reason for it. I deprived you of nourishment because I didn't think you deserved it. I didn't think you were good enough. I think I need to start by apologising. For all of this. For every time I saw you and hated you to your core. For each time I wished you were different, or ‘better’. For how long it took me to realise what I was doing to you. For not loving you like you deserve to be loved. I wish I could turn back time and do it right from the start. But I can’t. I can never get that time back.  But right now, I'm spending more ti

Yes, the title is in all caps. Why? Well, read on to find out! (PS- am I doing this clickbait thing right?) Context time! As I've written about before, this is a weird time ™ to be alive, full of a lot of feelings. And not all of them are positive. To be very honest with you, hardly any of them are. It has never been easier to get caught up in negativity. One may preach about trying to look for the positives in everything, but it DOES get difficult. Like, rip-out-your-hair, cry-five-times-a-day kind of difficult. The kind of difficult that leaves you wondering if you will ever be able to pull yourself out of this slump. You know? In search of some positivity, I turn to my three best friends, as I always have done. I've known and loved them for over 10 years now. It is to them I run whenever anything happens, good or bad. Through the ups and downs, even the diagonals, the one constant is them. Our group chat is our safe space.  The past couple of weeks, pre

The last few days have been… difficult. Even more so than usual. And the worst part is, I could not pinpoint a cause. My best guess is that too many small, seemingly insignificant events added up and exploded when I was least expecting. It seems to me that these days, all of us are weathering out storms of our own. Or maybe, we always were, and now we just have more time to devote to storm fighting. But I got so tired of fighting against my inner tsunami that I gave up, dried my tears, threw my coat on, and went for a walk to clear my head. I put my Spotify playlist on shuffle and tried to calm myself down, tried to zone out of all that negativity. The keyword here is ‘tried’. And by god, I tried so hard to get out of that place, but I just couldn't. My brain has a funny habit of repressing gloomy, pessimistic thoughts for the most part, only releasing them when I'm at my weakest. My brain, I've discovered, likes to play tricks on me.  But that’s a whole ot